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My Notes (Cathetan-ku)

Diceritakan oleh Unknown pada Wednesday, February 7, 2007 | 4:20 AM

Narcissism (October 17, 2006)

I had started blogging since 2002 when I was in university. What's in my mind at that time was how people could publish writings, articles, pictures, videos, images etc. to an amazing network called internet. I was so curious that a question emerged: "How to make a website?"

A friend of mine suggested me to click View then click Source on Internet Explorer when browsing a website, edit the words, save it to *.html extension, and finally upload the file to geocities.com. It took a long while to learn by trial and error until I recognized several terms of the basic language which can build a web.

In another occasion, around 2001 or 2002, when an operator of a cyber cafe saw me building a web, he suggest me to try to make a blog in blogger.com, for it is much easier, he said.

But dude, do you think that what you write above related to the title you post today? Basically! Because when I start to blog again this year, I've been working now, one of my working partner said that blogging indicates narcissism. I said nothing to him but keeping in my mind that word for I have no broader idea about narcissism except that it is about "I love my self". Today I am browsing this site Halcyon.com and I find it very exciting.

I have been thinking that my interpersonal skill is more developed than that of intrapersonal. I think my self more, and I don't like to make my self busy thinking other people's business. However, what's more surprising is that my characteristics is much more similar with that of a narcissist. Hyper-sensitive, impulsive, passive, pessimistic, hate to live alone, unusual eating habits, etc are all in me.

Still, I am not going to the conclusion that I am a narcissist, but it truly broadens my thought. 


And I Choose This Way: Without Any Note (October 30, 2006)

Passing this Ramadhan and Idul Fitri without any note, I can't see anything to say. This blessed month is even worse than the previous ramadhan. Though, I still believe tomorrow will be better than today.

It is hard indeed, I fight anything alone, and I survive, and I go this far. Sometimes I can't figure out why I choose this way, I just stroll this path, and I like what I'm doing now. At the end I am satisfied in a part, but the other part of me seems to be disappointed. My live is between right and wrong, it's unsure, so distrustful. I'm not pessimistic, but I'm not so optimistic either. No one knows what I'm feeling. God, to whom I always complain and share about my self, tends to aid this disgraceful acts and I don't know when He makes a turning point: it is time when I'am in a serious nuisance. I realize that but I never care.

I think I need someone to talk, to share, but I can't find just because I don't feel I really need him or her badly. I think I need a girlfriend or even a wive, but I make no efforts to find my soulmate. Does it all show a part of my heart dies? How to resurrect it?

And then, I remember Scorpions's song: "Does Anyone Know?"

Is this world out of control
Say what is right what is wrong
Do I know this world at all
I think I do but then I don't
I'm confused by what I see
I try to understand
But it makes no sense at all
I'm confused by what I feel
I thought that our love
Was something that is real
Does anyone know
The truth we're looking for
Can't find it anymore
Does anyone know
How to make me feel
For something that is real
So many things that I recall
When we were young just flying high
Can we turn our fate at all
I wish we could say don't you cry
I'm confused by what I hear
Girl it seems to me
We're losing after all
I'm confused by what I feel
I thought that our love
Was something that is real
Does anyone know
The truth we're looking for
Can't find it anymore
Does anyone know
How to make me feel
For something that is real
Another day has just begun
Life goes on there's no return
How can I trust anyone
When honesty is such a dirty word
Does anyone know
The truth we're looking for
Can't find it anymore
Does anyone know
How to make me feel
For something that is real
Does anyone know
The truth we're looking for
Can't find it anymore
Does anyone know
How to make me feel
For something that is real
Yeah

Back To My Abyss (November 20, 2006)

Abyss: The deep sea environment between 4000 & 6000 m, a deep or seemingly bottomless chasm, ii) an immeasurable depth (abyss of despair).

Emotionally, this shows the dreamer is in the depths of depression. It is the bottomless pit in life, the dark night of the soul. Things cannot get worse so efforts must be made to climb out.

I use this term to describe the deepest part of human feeling, the part which no one knows except himself. Abyss is someone's nurani, but evil side is mixed with the good one. The two side always fight each other to win their master heart, just right before the master make a decision to do something.

Have you ever tried first to understand what's in one's feeling, before you judge him guilty, bad, ugly, before you decide to hate him or love him? Do you think about it as consideration for judging somone? 

Welcome To The Future (January 28, 2007)

Going hometown on Saturday....

My family would go to Pasuruan to my sister's fiance's hometown on Saturday, as the response to his proposal several weeks before. Unfortunately, it was too late, they went earlier than my arrival. So sad I couldn't go along with them.

To my sis, I pray for you, I hope you will find happiness in your marriage, your future. Life is hard, indeed, but when you sumarah, nothing will burden you. That's what I'm learning this far. All the time is the great moment, it is always God's gift.

Meanwhile, when I'm again try to look back at my past, i find this: http://samothis.blogspot.com. Wew, she looks skinny now. It could be a striving for metropolitan style, I dunno. In your new life, hope you also find what you want, Girl!

Empathy (February 07, 2007)

Arriving at my office this morning. When parking my motorcycle, I payed attention to Junior High School Children whose school is at the opposite of my office's parking area. They were practicing long-jump. After some children doing long-jump, one of them tumbled on the landing sand. All of his friends laughed at him.

I have been thinking this for so long. Why do all people around us tend to laugh at us when we got an acccident? Probably there is something wrong with our education about this one. Why don't us immediately help anyone who are experiencing an accident right in front of our eyes instead of just watching and laughing at him bleeding or suffering?

How to change our mind set that an accident is not a fun at all, but it is even a miserable thing which needs an immediate help?

Both of Mine Are Stolen (April 05, 2007)

Setelah pencurian ID Yahoo-ku, dan kini hati-ku mulai dicuri juga....

Hari ini baru kusadari betapa kehidupan maya telah merasuki jiwaku begitu dalam. Dan hal ini terjadi lagi: untuk yang kedua kalinya aku terjebak di sini.

I'm quitting.... I'll try again.
Level 99 is my border in game.
So is you, yes you.... If I fail, I'll get another in my real life. I'm sure I'll get one.

I must start to learn to face my reality with no more fear, no matter how bad it is.
And I know everything is gonna be okay.

I have been so much involved, and it is too much, dah waktunya buat jaga jarak karena ini sudah keterlaluan. I really need a fresh air to breathe.

Cinta Emosional (September 10, 2007)

Betina-nya Lola Maria yang ingin menekankan ketidaklogisan cinta.
"Kalau logis, itu bukan cinta. Contohnya? Kalau kita menyukai seseorang, lalu ditanya mengapa menyukai orang tersebut?"
"Kalau saya betul-betul cinta, saya akan jawab tidak tahu karena hati yang bicara. Tapi, kalau saya jawab saya suka seseorang karena ganteng, banyak duitnya, punya jabatan, maka itu bukan cinta karena tidak tulus," kata Lola.

Kata dosenku dulu,"tidak ada yang namanya: 'I love you, but...' atau 'I love you because....'
"Yang ada adalah 'I love you.'."

Aku baca di kompas kemarin, film Lola itu dapat penghargaan, walau aku belum melihat film-nya, tapi aku sudah membaca ulasan film itu di blogger ini : catatan sipil
Kok jelek semua kritik semua :D

Sebenarnya hari ini aku ingin menulis tentang cinta dan benci.

Ada seorang teman dari PAN yang begitu tidak suka pada sosok Megawati, sampai-sampai kalau ada tukang becak yang pakai baju PDI-P atau Mega, dia nggrundel.Ada lagi teman lama yang katanya pernah fans berat sama Najwa Shihab, namun setelah menurut dia 'tahu siapa Nana', kekagumannya kini sirna.

Teman dari NU di desaku bilang 'Pokoke Gus Dur' atau 'Apa Jare Gus Dur'. Sedang teman muhammadiyah di SMA dulu, sewot ketika aku mengkritik Amien Rais ketika debat dengan para calon Presiden.

Aku dulu pernah mencintai orang yang sama sekali belum pernah kutemui kecuali di dunia maya. Menurutku semua rasa itu ada alasannya, tapi begitu berusaha mencari apa alasan itu, semakin kita bingung dan merasa semua alasan itu tidak logis. Mungkin.
Jika menurut Anda bermanfaat, silakan berbagi tulisan ini ke teman Anda dengan tombol Google+, Twitter, atau Facebook di bawah ini.
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